TIPS to Forgive

• Put your best mental energies (perhaps first thing in the morning) into visualizing the new life you want. See yourself - in the future - as free of this pain and suffering.
• Keep the following quotes in mind if you're finding it hard to generate positive feelings for the person:
  
  
  • "To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you." - Lewis B. Smedes
  • "Those who are the hardest to love, need it the most."
  • "Follow peace with all men, and holiness," -Hebrews 12:14."
  • "As far as possible, without surrender, be on good terms with all persons." -The Desiderata by Max Ehrmann
  • "Hating someone is drinking poison and expecting the other person to die from it."

• • "If we could read the secret history of our enemies we should find in each man's life sorrow and suffering enough to disarm all hostility." Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
  • "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you" - The Golden Rule
  • "Be kind, for all you meet, are fighting a great battle."- Philo
  • "Anyone who claims to be in the light but hates his brother is still in the darkness. But whoever loves his brother lives in the light, and there is nothing in him[a] to make him stumble." 1 John 2:9,10-The Bible
  • "Anyone who hates his brother is a murderer, and you know that no murderer has eternal life in him." 1 John 3:15- The Bible
  • "The hatred you're carrying is a live coal in your heart - far more damaging to yourself than to them." Lawana Blackwell, The Dowry of Miss Lydia Clark, 1999.
  • "The stupid neither forgive nor forget; the naive forgive and forget; the wise forgive but do not forget."
  • "But if ye do not forgive, neither will your Father which is in heaven forgive your trespasses." Mark 11:26.
  • "For if ye forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you" Matthew 6:14
• Sometimes it helps to think of how others have forgiven under incredible circumstances. Ask friends for support and examples to motivate you toward forgiveness.
• Forgiveness is a choice. When you say, "I can't forgive that person," what you're really saying is, "I'm choosing not to forgive that person." If you say it the second way instead, you'll find yourself forgiving soon.
• You need to keep these four points in mind when forgiving someone:
  
  
  • Do not bring up the situation up to yourself.
  • Do not bring up the situation to the offender.
  • Treat the offender as if it never happened.
  • Do not talk about the situation to others. Caveat: If the situation is the type that could result in harm to others, you must take the necessary steps to prevent harm; e.g., notifying authorities in the case of vulnerable persons (children) or populations (patients, elderly clients in nursing homes, etc.\

Warnings

• rue forgiveness is unconditional and not predicated on any act or request from the offender. The type of forgiveness discussed here is intended to free you from the impotent rage, depression, and despair that nursing a grievance causes.
• True forgiveness takes time. Realize that everyone heals in their own way and in their own time. It is ok for you to take time to forgive, but you must realize that you will only be free from the bondage of hurt,despair and rage if you let it go and truly forgive the hurt that is holding back the true you.
• An offender who wants reconciliation must do his or her part: offer a sincere apology, promise not to repeat the offense (or similar ones), make amends, and give it time. If you don't see repentance, understand that according forgiveness to that person is a benefit to yourself, not to the offender. However, forgiveness of this type must be applied with wisdom and discernment. Unless those who have harmed us have truly repented of whatever they have done, we need to use wisdom in avoiding repeating the hurt. This may require avoiding those who are unrepentant of the harm that they have inflicted upon us.